Recently, I took part in an intensive that included bellydance, yoga and biomechanics, practice, and the history of tribal bellydance. But, beyond all of the hours spent dancing, drilling, conditioning, zilling for six plus hours a day, I found the parts of myself that had remained buried under the layers of what I thought I had to be, others thought who I should be, and some strange sense of how I thought I wanted to be.
The simple fact that we all seem to forget is that while we are essentially the same, the paths we take are drastically different. What makes me feel free and happy may be totally different from anyone else. And this is a beautiful thing.
It takes a long time to realize this, mostly because we are beaten over the head since birth to conform, yet be special, yet THIS is what is beautiful, be normal...but, when you finally find your own path, it is liberating. Not to say staying on the path is easy, or even necessary. Sometimes, the path is unmarked at times. This may bring out self doubt or a panic session, but I keep reminding myself to do what makes ME happy.
Needless to say, I don't drill/dance/practice for six hours a day at home. Life has many ways of complicating things, and sometimes I'm lucky to get forty-five minutes in four times a week. And that is okay. Could I be a better dancer with more? Of course, but I would be a broke dancer with a lonely puppy, tons of laundry and dirty dishes, miscellaneous unused vintage jewelry just wishing to be loved again by a bellydancer, a very unhappy lil man and supportive yet frazzled husband.
So, I choose happy, and make my life work for me. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure that out.
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